Anyone who knows me know that I love a good rant, and nothing inspires a rant more often than the trials and tribulations of being a parent in London.
Being a parent is the same everywhere, but being in our capital city often inspires its own series of rants. Here’s a few of my favourites.
Be warned. There may (will) be swears.
10. Manners. Or lack thereof.
You do something for another parent and don’t get so much as a grunt of acknowledgement. This morning I stopped whilst getting off the bus instead of pushing like everyone else and let a lady with a pushchair get off first. Any thankyou? Nope. Even a smile in my direction? Nope. Should have just carried on going and got a better seat on the train.
9. Judgey Tutters.
Yesterday I had a serial tutter next to me on the bus. Eden is cutting new teeth and struggling with it. By this point she had been in the pushchair for several hours and she was getting pretty annoyed with it. So, I pulled out the piece de resistance – Minnie’s Bowtique on my iPhone. Low volume, but she just likes watching the pictures anyway. “Tut”. Then five minutes later Eden was bored with Minnie and handed my phone back. I asked if she would like some crisps “Tut” and she said yes “tut”. I handed over some Kiddylicious Veggie Straws “tut”.
I don’t get the tutters. You can’t do anything right by them. I’m sure if I had just left Eden to scream, tutting lady would have tutted herself into a stupor!
8. Stations with no step free access
This one is a bit of a silly rant. Some of the stations are 200 years old so it’s no wonder that they don’t have step free access. It’s annoying though – especially when you’re using National Rail and there’s nothing on the map to tell you if the station has step free access or not. Then you get there and there’s a whole buttload of steps…
7. The “glad I never was one” crowd.
Similar to the tutters. These are the folk who I always joke say “I hate kids. Glad I never was one”. Eden fires a toothy grin across a tube carriage and is met with the steeliest stare. Like, you can’t give the bitch stare to a toddler – she doesn’t understand. It’s a total waste of your time. If you can’t take three seconds out of your day to smile back, just stick your face back in your iPhone and carry on with your day. No love lost here.
6. The “kid free zone” people.
You know the type. They go to eat at Pizza Hut in Marble Arch in the middle of the day on a Tuesday in their suits. Then they bitch because there are children in the restaurant. Or on the streets/trains/in the shops. Or in the fricking Disney Store. Don’t these parents know that London is opened for everyone? And us “lazy parents” have to find something to do with our time…
5. Slow Walkers
Probably tourists. Nothing worse than when you’re trying to get somewhere and a group of five walking arm in arm stop in he middle of the pavement. No amount of shouting “EXCUUUUUUSE MEEEEE” will make them move. So, you have to wait. Regardless of poonami…
4. Buggy daredevils
People who just stroll out in front of the pushchair like it isn’t there and get pissed when you hit them in the ankle. I don’t know why people can’t just watch where they’re bloody going! Nine times out of ten I see them but don’t have time to stop. Oh well… not my sore ankles I guess.
3. The loud ranters
“Well I don’t think buggies should even be ALLOWED on public transport. Isn’t that right Gerald?”
“Shut up Susan.”
We hear you, Susan. We just don’t care. Baby’s gotta travel.
2. People Who Delay Nap Time
The grumpy toddler is juuuuust settling off to sleep. Then you get bloody Iris from the seat next door on the bus sticking her head in. “Who’s a lovely little boy then? Are you good? IS HE GOOD?”
OH MY GOD SHUT UP AND LET HER SLEEP!
AND STOP ASKING ME IF SHES GOOD! SHE’S A BABY, NOT A BANK ROBBER!
Seriously, Eden can sleep through just about anything, but it’s getting her to sleep which is hard. There’s a whole five minutes where it’s like “don’t make eye contact”… That’s always when Iris turns up demanding to know if she’s “good”. And always assuming she’s a boy…
1. LIFT HOGGERS!
This is my least favourite thing about travelling with the buggy. If there is an escalator and you’re able to use it, BLOODY USE IT! I shouldn’t have to wait an extra ten minutes because some folk can’t be arsed to walk an extra ten feet to the MOVING STAIRCASE! It’s not just me. Make the lift available to everyone who cannot use the escalator. Or maybe that is too common sense for the masses.
Anyway, so there’s my top ten rants about being a parent in the capital city. What gets your goat? What makes you rage? Let me know in the comments.