It seems since even before Eden was born, people only have one question on their minds – “Are you going to have another?” Even before Eden entered the world, people were asking us this. Lately, it’s happening all the time. I don’t know whether it’s because she is almost 18 months old and a lot of only children become siblings around then, but right now almost every person I meet wants to know the status of my uterus…
When you’ve been through infertility and loss, coming out of the other side holding a living, breathing baby is a pretty huge achievement. Amy and I were so cautious through my pregnancy because we just did not know whether we would be bringing a baby home. Even now, I sometimes wonder when something is going to go wrong – that’s anxiety for you.
Pretty much from before we conceived Eden, we decided that we would only have one child. A few years ago I might have considered two, but not more than that. Three years of infertility and a miscarriage made us quite sure.
Now, I don’t mind people asking if we will have another. It’s a reasonable question to ask. I don’t mind people asking why. Lots of people have more than one child. Usually “nah, it took three years to make this one!” is enough to move to conversation in a different direction. What I do mind, however, is the following conversation.
Person: Will you have another?
Me: Nah. It took three years to make Eden!
Person: Oh! But won’t she be lonely?/But you make such lovely babies/But wouldn’t it be worth it?/But only children are terribly spoiled.
WHY DO PEOPLE DO THIS?!
When Amy or I say “no”, that’s our answer. We don’t need to hear a bazillion reasons why we should have another. Some people just don’t want loads of kids – and that’s ok! The size of our family doesn’t affect anyone apart from us.
What I want to say is this…
Won’t she be lonely? – No. She does see other humans. We go out every single day. Mind your own uterus.
But you make such lovely babies – Thankyou! Mind your own uterus.
But wouldn’t it be worth it? – Who knows?! Mind your own uterus.
But only children are terribly spoiled – Shut up and mind your own uterus.
But your body knows what to do now! – That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works. And mind your own uterus, please.
This also applies to…
“So, when are you having another?” and “Are you trying fo another yet?” As well as the lovely “But don’t you want to try for a boy?”
STOP! STOP IT! (Also, how does one “try for a boy?” Would I have to put an order in the Superhero Donor? Only boy sperms please! Thankyou!)
Honestly, I can’t imagine potentially going through infertility and loss again with a toddler to look after. I can’t imagine OPK’ing, clomid craziness and trying to arrange donations with Eden running around the place. I can’t imagine being pregnant again with a little one already in my life. I cannot imagine dealing with appointments, scans and testing as well as looking after Eden – especially seeing as my next pregnancy would automatically be classed as high risk because of the blood pressure issues I had with Eden. I can’t imagine going through a miscarriage with a toddler as well. Kudos to anyone going through infertility and loss with kids already – but it’s just not for us and that’s ok!
No one enjoys infertility. No one likes loss. I didn’t particularly like being pregnant. It was a means to an end for us. I don’t know if we would feel differently if we could just “see if it happens” and “not try, not prevent”, but for us it’s all or nothing. We either try, or we dont.
Emotionally, physically and financially, we are just fine with one little one. One little girl who we adore with all our hearts and who we hoped and wished for for so long. Our puzzle is complete. I just wish people would stop pushing their own agendas and let us be happy with our little triangle family. Our family which is perfect for us just the way it is.
I have 2 boys, had 4 miscarriages and now I get asked dont you want a girl :))
Its a different thing that if we were younger and able to afford another kid financially we kight have, but there is never any end to asking about when we wish to have sex without protectio ( putting it crudely).
It’s odd isn’t it?! Makes you want to say “wellllll we’re having lots of sex buuuutttt…”
Great post! I get so frustrated with the “oh but’s”. Your response should be enough or at least a massive hint to suggest that one was hard enough so please stop now.
EXACTLY! I don’t mind people asking. Well, depends on how they ask. If they ask “So when is the next one coming?” I get pissed. But if they ask “are you having any more?” I don’t mind. But once I answer, LISTEN!
Oh and people who say “amy should have one too!” Like Eden isn’t hers…
Oh my gosh. The latter!!! What a horrid thing to say. They don’t even think.
Yep. People are just way too interested in the uteruses (uteri?) of others
I don’t think it’s actually possible for people to mind their own business! They think they’re just being conversational and funny but nah, it’s a real pain in the backside.
It gives me rage when people give me a list of reasons to have more kids. You do it! You want it that much, you do it!
As someone who asked you before, I’m sorry.
Eden is a gem and you all look so happy together, that’s all that matters 🙂
Oh and your health too
I genuinely don’t mind people asking respectfully, which you did. It’s the barrage of “here’s why you SHOULD have another that annoys me.
That’s fair. 🙂
I hope you and your family are safe, because of recent reports I’ve seen regarding London.
We are all fine. Thankyou for checking x
Yup. I have no problem with people asking us about more kids. I get furious when people tell me I’m doing something that will be detrimental (having kids too close, for example). I’m very open about our family planning, but the second someone has the audacity to tell me what I should be doing, I shut that crap down.
Yes to everything you said! I have 3 sons the youngest is the only one I share DNA with and people ask me but don’t you want more than one I have 3!!! just because the first two didn’t come out of my vagina does not make them any less mine! It makes me want to punch them in the throat!
I feel you on the throat punching!
You guys are such a cute family! I can’t help it, I’m a sucker for any family with two parents and cute kids.