Dear Lady In Starbucks…

Dear Lady in Starbucks,

I saw it. I saw the wistful look every time someone walked in with a baby. I saw the longing in your eyes. I saw the hurt and the pain. I saw it all. 

Lady in Starbucks, I want you to know that once upon a time I was you. Not so long ago I gave the same look to those with babies. I fought back tears in this very same Starbucks whilst nursing a cappuccino. I came here when I got my period. I came here when Clomid didn’t work right away. I came here when friends gave birth or when everything felt too much. I sat in this very Starbucks when someone I knew online called their baby what I planned to call the one that I hadn’t conceived yet. The one that I didn’t know if I would ever conceive.

This Starbucks was a safe place for me. Unfortunately with hurt like the type infertility causes, there’s no hiding. You can’t hide at home as everywhere on the TV, there are babies. Every time you leave the house there are pregnant women and babies. Every book you read and every newspaper you look at, they’re there – people with babies. People with children. People with the thing you want most and fear you might never have. I took refuge in coffee, anonymity and writing. 

Lady in Starbucks, I want you to know that things will get better. I promise. I’m not going to tell you that you’ll get your baby, because I don’t know that. But what I will say is that whatever happens, it’s going to be ok. Whatever happens, you’ll get through one day at a time and you’ll come out the other side fighting. 

I don’t know your story, but I know that look. Just know there’s more people on your side than you’ll ever know.

Best,

Laura