“Why are there so many songs about rainbows, and what’s on the other side? Rainbows are visions, but only illusions, and rainbows have nothing to hide.”
This week marks two years since one of the most devastating things that has ever happened to Amy and I as a couple – our miscarriage. We may have lost our baby at only eight weeks, but I still wonder who they would have been what they would have been like and what we would be doing now.
One thing that I’m thankful for, however, is that on the two year anniversary of our loss we are holding our rainbow baby. Our wonderful, amazing, heart-healing rainbow baby. A rainbow baby is a baby born after a loss, because rainbows show up after a storm. They don’t meant that the storm never happened and they don’t lessen the effects of that storm, but they do remind you that everything can be ok again. When I refer to Eden as our rainbow, it’s not because she has two mums – it’s so much more than that.
I know how lucky we are to be here and to have only experienced loss once. I know many who have experienced the pain of loss many times and I can’t imagine how they find the strength to carry on. I guess it’s the idea of the rainbow that keeps us going. That hope that one day we will have a take home baby.
I’m not sure I have much else to say on the subject right now, so I wanted to share what I’d previously written about the loss of the little one that we named Squishy. The one who showed us that it was possible for me to get pregnant. The one who showed us just how strong two people could be. Always our first baby, never forgotten.
Trigger warning here for description of loss and miscarriage. Be kind to yourself.