Since being pregnant I’ve noticed a few things about those around me and things that people say. Some of it is utterly ridiculous and I really don’t know why people feel the need to say these things.
Prime examples of this.
“It’s so great that we’re almost half way through this pregnancy.” “See how great it is when you’re up to your elbows in sh*tty nappies”.
“I love feeling her kick.” “It feels good now, but wait until she’s getting her feet stuck under your ribs. You won’t like it then.”
“We’re going to the cinema. “ “Wellllll there’ll be none of THAT when baby comes. No more cinema. No more theatre. No more nice holidays.”
“I’m tired.” “Wait and see how tired you are when the baby keeps you up all night.”
I don’t understand this. For some people it is ALL that they say. Everything is turned into a negative. Nothing is for us to enjoy. People like to tell us that our lives are going to change, but not for the better. Some people literally have nothing positive to say.
The thing is, Amy and I know full well that our lives are going to change, but we also know that we will still be humans. A lot of the time, the people making these comments are people who had their children easily, and I think that’s where the difference is. Amy and I have been waiting a long time for these changes to happen. We haven’t had to adjust to the idea because we’ve been waiting for it for so long. We’re not going into it thinking this is all going be unicorns and rainbows all the time, but at the same time we have been waiting a LONG time for this. A long time for the whole package. A long time for smiles and cuddles and joy, but also for poopy nappies, sleepless nights and being a family.
I don’t know. I think people think that we don’t know anything about children. I fully understand that we probably have no idea of the scale of the changes to our lives, purely because we have never had a baby before. It’s going to be a steep learning curve. But we’re going to take on the challenges head on, same as we will enjoy the good days. We’ve got through three years of infertility, so the challenge presented by finally getting the baby that we have dreamed of is more like winning a gold medal than anything else.
I just don’t understand why people can’t be more positive. You don’t all hate your kids, so stop acting like you do. This is an exciting time for Amy and I, and I know you all want to share what you’ve learnt as parents. So, share your wisdom. Tell us things that might help us. But don’t drag us down into thinking this will be the worst thing we ever did when we know full well that it’s going to be a challenging, life changing but absolutely wonderful journey.
Love this. Funnily enough I was thinking of doing a post along the lines of stupid comment regarding infertility I get lol. But yeah why do people have to be so negative?
You definitely should!
I’m sure you already know this but it won’t stop when the baby is born. It will become “Wait until you have two children.” Or my personal favorites the mommy bullying. My small suggestion is when people say this smile and say “You are soooo good looking.”
Haha yeah I know. It’s just so odd to me!
Oh that 2 children thing – so true and what a piss off! My friend, who I had avoided and unfollowed in my fb news feed ever since she announced her second pregnancy, made a comment like that to me after I finally worked up the nerve to congratulate her on her beautiful family. In the same breath as saying she was sorry to hear about the miscarriage and how much time and how many fertility treatments we had to go through to try to get pregnant again, she said “be thankful it’s just you 3 and enjoy it while it lasts because it’s way easier than 4!” WTF?! I swear they don’t consider for a second the impact of their words.
It really does seem like there are a ton of parents out there who really never wanted to be parents in the first place. Our perhaps they were totally naive as to what a big job, sacrifice & commitment being a parent would be. I’m fairly certain that those of us who’ve wanted it for so long are far better prepared for the bad and good than they ever were. You’ll do fine and you’ll adapt. Nothing this amazing ever comes without challenge! Xx
That’s exactly the way I feel about it. I’m like “you know I have met a child before, right?”
Actually every word they have said is true, but…. There is a time and place to say it and this is neither, especially to a couple who are soo looking forward to having their baby finally!!
Next time they say that, tell them wow, i certainly know whom to call when I am elbow deep nappy shit, you can share your experience on how to deal it. And say it with a smile :))
Yeah it’s not whether it’s true or not, it’s just like you said there is a time and a place 😦
That 😦 was meant to be a :-). Fat fingers…
I get rather sick of hearing the negative responses as well. We all get it. No one is blind to what parenthood will take but it comes with a lot of great moments too. Why can’t people just be happy for you and get on with it. Perhaps, misery loves company?
Yeah. So much this. We had so much of it, and continue to. It’s almost like other people’s kids made them miserable and they just have to make sure your anxiety level is as high as possible. Here’s the thing. About 6 or 8 weeks after Darwin was born an older friends whose child is only about 10 years younger than us approached us and said something like ‘isn’t it amazing? Isn’t every week just better than the last?’ It was exactly what I needed to hear because…it was true! For us every week has been better (and trust me, it was hard to top the amazing entry into the world! ) I was finally able to stop wondering when the other shoe would drop and really enjoy my baby.
May every week for you be better than the last!
I can say with complete honesty that parenting has been way easier than I expected. Not that it hasn’t been difficult, but the difficulties are interspersed with the most delightful moments. We are always saying to each other – Having her was the best decision we have ever made.
Like someone said a few comments up, it’s like the people doing the complaining never really preempted what would come with a baby, and therefore assumes you haven’t either.
Like most IF TTC’ers, we’re fully aware of what comes with a baby and actually want it really bad. The good, the bad, and the downright ugly. Having it means we have our baby and if having that means taking a bit (or a lot) of poo at 3am then we’ll take it! I think those with kids that have fallen pregnant without the struggle take for granted how lucky they are and concentrate on the bad, where as we concentrate fully on the good whilst fully accepting that it comes with the almost irrelevant bad.
You have to hear the crap people were saying when they found out we were having twins!!! It was non-stop! My least favorite?! “Twins? Good luck!” As if we wold need it! We are both educators in a child care setting, having been alone with up to 4 infants at one time. When i’m telling you that twins is a breeze compared to 4 infants (some mobile some not), I’m not kidding. Some people have no idea how dickish they are…
I recently made a FB posting asking people to either say positive pregnancy/parenting comments or nothing at all cause I’m sooo fed up with the negative. I’m going to start telling them they should have never had kids if they can’t find something positive to say about it. 👿
I hated all of my pregnancies. And then the toddler age was awful. Most women it becomes a bit of a ‘bonding’ joke. There are things you’re ‘not supposed to say/do. So there’s a relief to say to someone, God pregnancy sucked arse, now I’ve got stretch marks like a tiger got at me and my boobs sag like socks with soap in them. I do have one friend that for her pregnancy was like a trip on a cloud with magical fairy dust and unicorns. She walked around barefoot and rubbed her belly with pride. She didn’t vomit, she didn’t get tired. Her baby was delivered by c section and by all means it was planned, easy and the angels sang. The fact he’s now the most rotten brat I’ve ever seen is by the by. But don’t see it as just negative comments, women are reassuring you it’s ok if you are struggling. Of course no one is admitting that they’d rather have left their kid in a dumpster. And of course they’d do it again if they could back knowing what they know now. But pregnancy does get tough as the baby gets bigger, and you can’t swig back a big glass of red or two at the end of the day. And when the crying never stops and the dr says its just colic but you’ve convinced yourself it’s more serious, it’s these women that say – you should have got a puppy, that will keep you sane. For every negative comment there’s always some wrinkly old woman that wants to chat all day about babies and how exciting it is. Maybe you need to take a break from the supermarket with screaming kids and fed mothers to places where the grannies hang out 😄
Haha maybe. I don’t mind the occasional comments, it’s just when it is ALL people have to say. When you talk to some people, every positive becomes a negative and it just gets tiring
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