Scanxiety…

(Another post from the past few weeks between getting BFP and announcing) 

Tomorrow is 7+5 and scan day. A friend of mine coined the term “scanxiety” in the early days of her pregnancy, and I don’t think there’s a word that I can say that fully explains the way I feel.

I had plenty of bizarre dreams last night. One was that they scanned someone I used to work with instead of me, and were giving her my results. Baby was measuring fine, but they couldn’t find a heartbeat. Then I begged and pleaded for an internal scan as this one had been external and we could hear the heartbeat, but still couldn’t see it. Very odd. I woke up at 5am and couldn’t get back to sleep.

Today is 7+4, which is the day we lost Squishy last time, so today is filled with a lot of anxiety anyway. Milestones of pregnancy loss are very hard. I know I will feel a lot better if this scan is a good one.

I have no reason to believe that there will be bad news. I haven’t had any bleeding, severe cramping or anything that makes me immediately think something is going wrong. Being on various pregnancy sites, though, makes you very aware of all the things that could go wrong. All we have known so far is loss, so anything other than that now will be a massive game changer for us.

Anyway. It’s 0940 now and my appointment tomorrow is 0930. So approximately 24 hours from now, we will know where we are and if baby Chip is here to stay.

(This post was written at 7+4)