The Ten Commandments of Trying To Conceive (For Lesbians)

1) Thou Shalt Learn To Like Sperm (ok… tolerate… maybe not like)
As lesbians we have nothing sexually to do with the opposite sex, so it’s a little odd when you come to considering having a child – you need a man for this! With at home insemination as well, you need to actually DEAL WITH the sperm – ew!

2) Thou Shalt Not Underestimate How Complicated Your Body Is
During TTC I’ve learnt that my body does a hell of a lot more than I’ve ever thought it did. Before TTC I never knew that cervical mucus can determine when you’re ovulating… and cervical position too. I used to think everyone ovulated half way through their cycle and had no clue what an ovulation predictor test was or what LH was.

3) Thou Shalt Welcome the Third Person in Your Relationship
Your donor (if you are using a known donor) will become an important person in your life, especially if it takes a little while to conceive. Embrace this. Donors do such a wonderful thing in helping women who can’t have a baby for sperm related reasons achieve their dream – so appreciate them. They are not sperm vending machines.

4) Thou Shalt Be Cautious
Despite most donors being good people who just want to help, there are some nuts about. Be aware. Trust your instincts and your gut.

5) Thou Shalt Embrace the Vitamins
Some people don’t take vitamins whilst trying to conceive, which is fine. My motto when it comes to vitamins is “well… it won’t do any harm”. At the moment I’m taking Pregnacare and high dose vitamin D… eeeeeeeevery day. They won’t harm anything… but they might help! That’s the way I see it.

6) Thou Shalt Try Not To Be Stressed
Trying to conceive is stressful – there’s nothing anyone can do about that. Just take each day as it comes. If you get overly stressed just take a deep breath and re-evaluate.

7) The Two Week Wait Shalt Suck
It sucks. The Two Week Wait sucks. It’s stressful, it’s disappointing if you get a negative and your body does play tricks on you. No matter how much you try not to think about it, your mind will wander back to trying to conceive. Anything your body does that it doesn’t normally do will arouse suspicion in you. Funny tummy? Is it wind, indigestion or implantation? Who knows… It’s stressful but at least it’s only two weeks!

8) Thou Shalt Try To Resist Google
If you google any “symptom” during your two week wait you can guarantee that someone, somewhere will have had that symptom and become pregnant. I’ve seen women ask if they’re pregnant for all kinds of reasons – they’ve dribbled more in their sleep, they have a rash on their left knee… all kinds of reasons. Google is great but it’s also a nightmare, as any symptom will have you believing you’re pregnant. The only thing that can tell you for sure if you are is a pregnancy test, which leads be nicely onto number 9!

9) Thou Shalt Try To Avoid The Peesticks
Now, I find it easy to not pee on a stick as I find it stressful. My whole issue with the Clearblue Fertility Monitor was that for every day of my cycle from day 6 I had to pee on a stick in the same 6 hour time period – INVOLVED! So I ditched the monitor. If you MUST pee on a pregnancy test from 1dpo try and do it cheaply. You can get sensitive tests on amazon for £5 for about 30… It’s a cheap way to fuel the addiction – haha! Of course it is always better to wait until at LEAST 10dpo as the chances of a positive before that is quite low.

10) Thou Shalt Embrace The TTC Support Network
Lots of people out there are trying to have a little one. Generally, they are fantastic people and the support network around TTC is so helpful, especially during the two week wait or after a disappointment. It’s useful to have people to share your thoughts and feelings with, especially when family and friends may not know you’re trying. Also, you can find other lesbian couples who know what you’re going through as often the lesbian tt process is quite different to that of “straight” couples. I’ve met some wonderful people through various forums who make the whole thing much easier… 🙂