I figured I would write a blog about something that is really beginning to get to me at the moment – Judgement. How people feel the need to judge others at every opportunity.
I know I’m kind of preaching to the choir here, as it assume the majority of my readers are on a similar journey and therefore not of the judging frame of mind, but if this blog opens the eyes of one person, then it was worth writing.
I. Hate. Judgement, I cannot stand when people feel the need to comment on other people’s size/clothing/hair/sexuality or skin colour. I just don’t understand what possesses people. Take Amy, for example. Amy does a fairly confrontational job and is regularly called a “fat dyke” in the course of her duties, often by people who are not even involved in the situation at the time. Why is this necessary? Who knows! People don’t seem to understand how hurtful it is to have parts of yourself pointed out every thirty seconds by people who don’t even know anything about you.
I don’t understand why, if Amy and I are out and happen to be holding hands, people feel it necessary to comment on the fact that we are lesbians. Funnily enough, we are aware of our sexuality. These judgements often come from people who are far from perfect themselves and today came from a man who was clearly high as a kite. When Amy and I were out with our friends’ little girls the other day, we got so many dirty looks! Why? Because we were a female couple who had two children with us. It had never even crossed my mind before that people would find that something worth staring at.
There was a time maybe a year ago, where Amy and I were walking along the South Bank in Central London. We were holding hands – you know like couples do – and some guy whizzed past on his bike and shouted “LESBIANS!” in our direction. My reaction – I was in a particularly good mood that day – was to point back at him and shout “man on bike!” As to me that was equal. Amy and I are aware that we are lesbians – why in earth do people feel the need to keep pointing it out?
Judgement is hurtful. It’s stings like a bitch on a bad day. Someone pointing out things about you that are just a part of you is very hurtful. At school I was bullied for having curly hair. Now I look back and think “who what? I am who I am!”, but at the time it was the worst thing in the world because it was all people saw about me. The first thing people would point out was that I had curly hair. Not that I was smart or that they liked my outfit, just the hair. It seems to odd to me that adults nowadays behave like children and point out things about one another. Does it make them feel big? Does it make them feel clever? Does it make them feel like a good person, the fact that they have possibly ruined someone’s day?
I don’t know, I just think the world would be a much better place if people would stop judging others. At the end of the day. We are all just trying to muddle our way through life the best we can, and as long as nobody is getting hurt I don’t understand why people need to comment. So what if I’m gay? So what if I have curly hair? So what if I’m wearing a sodding clown nose and giant shoes? What does it matter? What difference does it actually make to anyone else’s lives?
After all, as a very wise Disney rabbit once said…
I never understand what the aim of people’s comments are.
Take that “lesbians” comment… They say “lesbians” or “dykes” as if its a bad thing?! I don’t get it. I usually reply in a comical way like saying “well done” but if it’s a bad day, unusually reply “asshole on a bike!” I’m in a confrontational role as well, and often get the fat dyke comment, but if that’s they only thing they can see about me, then I’m obviously not hiding it very well – job complete.
Im lucky that we live near Brighton, but it’s still doesn’t stop people looking at me funny sometimes. I just end up feeling sorry for them as they clearly live very sad, ignorant lives. The only painful thing is that their kids will inherit and their kids, so on and so forth.
Let’s just hope our kids will know how special their family is and that we take nothing for granted and how not to judge people like people did to their mummies.
I completely agree Hun. Amy told me about a time someone called her a “stupid fat dyke” and it was particularly good day. Her response was “fat? Yes! Lesbian? Yes. But I take offence to stupid”.
Hopefully in a few years homophobia will be looked on in the same light as racism. Not big, not clever,
We’re lucky we arent those kind of people, and that our kids wont be those kind of people and that their kids wont be those kind of people. I work a job where most of my conversations are over the phone and i get to create these relationships with people where they know me as a nice person. Most of them think that i’m this Caucasian, blonde hair, blue eyes something or other. When we meet in person after MONTHS of talking on the phone, they are pretty surprised to see that I am a 5’5″ chubby, butch, bowtie wearing puerto rican with curly hair and a wife! Nothing like my speaking voice! Goes a long way when you get to know people. As far as the assholes on the street, I used to really get pissed about things like that and get all bent out of shape, but Callie is awesome about diffusing situations like that. We were at the corner once, In NYC of all places, and some guys in a pick up truck at a red light were like, “DYKES!” and Callie turns to them, “Did your mom fill you in!?” His face went so red, completely embarrassed with his friends in the car, and no comeback! It was freaking EPIC!
I was once attacked by my SIL who resorted to called me a fat lesbian. Even in the heat of the fight I couldn’t help but laugh…I mean, really?! I know in her mind it was meant as a nasty insult but I can’t deny it was factual so didn’t bother me like she hoped it would.
I take much more offence to people presuming I should act/dress/think a certain way just because I was in a relationship with another woman. For example, my colleague was bemoaning having to put make up on and do her hair every day, and said ‘it’s alright for you, you don’t have to bother!’ I’m sorry…what?! Argh.
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